Reflection on September

What a month - Joe started "big school", Ash left for Uni, Hana and I started final year studies. I'm back on placement this time in the Worthing circuit, very different from Dorset Gardens!!

I am spending most of my time at Offington Park with James, one day a wek with my mentor Ian and about two or three sessions a month with Andrew. It has been fun working with each of them, they are very different and have very different styles of ministry, which has been a good reminder that it is such a personal calling.

I have helped at youth club, led a bible study, helped at "Church with a difference" taken out extended communion, been into school, been to Toddlers, washed up at a coffee morning, preached, led worship, attended the September=too many meetings, had regular reflective practice sessions and done some less formal reflections and above all met and chatted to loads of new people.

It has been great to be with a selection of supervisors and to be allowed time both to do and to be!!! I am really looking forward to the journey through Advent and Christmas with them all.

All change

Wow, I knew it would be hard when the first of my children left home - but I was completely unprepared for how hard.

Yesterday we drove Ashleigh to Docklands and helped her sort out her new room, unpack all her things, fill in a host of forms, and start to settle into the new phase of her life.

Then at back at home some bedroom moving took place as the other three settled into their new spaces and roles, Kate and Joe finally getting their own much needed space, and Hana realising that now she's the "BIG" one.

I had had a few tears during the day, after a couple of loving messages from friends enquiring if I was ok, and as Ash hugged me to say goodbye, made harder by the tears of the others. But it was much later when the ache started as the enormity of what had happened hit me, things here will never be the same again.

I hadn't realised that there would be an actual physical pain like a bereavement, and I was unprepared for the flood of tears that came. I thank God for the friends that stood with me in the dark moments last night, and today of course looks brighter with the dawn.

Things won't be the same here again, but we will soon learn how to live with the changes.

I'll finish for now with the words of the song that helped me through the pain, a prayer that all Christian parents have for their children. 'Find your Wings' by Mark Harris.

It's only for a moment you are mine to hold
The plans that heaven has for you
Will all too soon unfold
So many different prayers I'll pray
For all that you might do
But most of all I'll want to know
You're walking in the truth
And if I never told you, I want you to know
That as I watch you grow

Chorus:

I pray that God would fill your heart with dreams
And that faith gives you the courage
To dare to do great things
I'm here for you whatever this life brings
So let my love give you roots
And help you find your wings

May passion be the wind
That leads you through your days
And may conviction keep you strong
Guide you on your way
May there be many moments
That make your life so sweet
Oh, but more than memories

chorus

It's not living if you don't reach for the sky
I'll have tears as you take off
But I'll cheer as you fly

chorus

I did indeed have tears as she took off, but will cheer the loudest as she begins to fly!!

New Year

Been a long time since I wrote in here again. A time really mixed, between rushed off my feet busy as I finished placements and college for the year, and really quiet and peaceful during the holidays. I caught up with several friends - many that I haven't seen since last summer holiday!! I watched many special friends get ordained (last ones this Saturday) and know that as I start my final year training it will be very different without my starting year group around for support. And I spent some very special times with the family, including the wettest holiday going to add to our memories of being together!!

September is going to be a time of great change in our house, today Kate started at Upper School and the beginning of the road to GCSE's, and my youngest started at senior school - no more little school and a very different phase in our lives. Hana starts her final year at college next week a year in which she has to make some quite big decisions about what she wants to do next, these are somewhat complicated by the fact that we are moving house next year as well.

On the 19th the biggest change to hit the family since Joe was born 11 years ago will happen, Ashleigh is leaving to start at East London University, I am very proud of her and love the young woman she has become - she will be missed by all of us and we must learn to live with a new family dynamic.

This time next year I will start my new job, this year I have just started a new placement in the Worthing circuit - life is about to speed back up to frantic for a while I think and on top of everything I have to find time to fit in two operations and then recover from having my knee done.