A member of the connexional team came to talk at our weekend away about what training may look like next year for those who survive candidating.
Many of my questions were answered and many more were raised.
If I get through, I have to believe that the training panel will have my families best interests at heart and that God's hand will be over the whole process.
Today during our quiet day I was blessed with a real sense of peace by a quote from a talk that Jesus gave about the flowers and the birds, which said simply this;
" Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself, each day has enough trouble of it's own."
It was not directly this which led to my great peace though, but the follow up reading in Margaret Silf's book "Wayfaring" which said
"Don't be afraid to throw all your human arguments at God, and to tell him how unrealistic you think asking you not to worry about tomorrow is"
My ultimate peace today came from being real with God, being honest about my struggles with the whole process of candidating, my fears of leaping into the unknown and uncertain and what difficulty I find in doing all that with faith but without worrying.
It's ok to be cross with God sometimes, he's big enough to take it.